Wednesday, July 7, 2010

How To Wash Your Boxers

Posted by MandaMac at 9:37 PM

It's me...again. I had hoped to get to my preserves today, but real life and work have intruded once again...darn it! LOL  Had to give both the dogs a bath, which is always an adventure. So I have included a step by step manual on how to wash my boxer, if you ever find yourself in  the position. Many of these steps and principles can also be applied to your own dog as well.

                                                                                                                                                                                           


Macey can't wait for her bath....she LOVES them. Loves to chase the hose, eat the spray, try to eat the flea soap, and generally is having so much fun I can barely keep her still long enough to lather her up. So without further ado, here is my Step By Step Manual on How To Wash A Boxer:


Step 1: Call Macey outside
Step 2: Chase her around the kitchen island and into the living room
Step 3: Get the bright idea to yell the word "BATH!!!"
Step 4: Get out of the way, making sure you don't trip over the coffee table, or husband's combat boots in the middle of the floor.
Step 5: Head for the back door. Dodge Macey again when she comes looking for you.
Step 6: Shut the door. This step is critical so as to avoid step 17.
Step 7: Turn on hose. Get run over by Macey as she charges around the yard.
Step 8: Make a diving leap for Mace as she passes you. Fall on your face. Get stepped on by dog.
Step 9:Snag dog by the collar on the next pass around the yard. Maintain a death grip.
Step 10: Pick up the hose. Turn on the spray nozzle.
Step 11: Start spraying down dog. Lose your hold over collar as Macey tries to eat spray.
Step 12: Try to chase dog around the yard again, only to almost be jerked off your feet when you realize you have a death grip on the spray nozzle and the hose is out of slack.
Step 13: Retreat to restrategize. Decide to lure the dog in with...spray, yummy spray.
Step 14: Start randomly spraying around the yard, luring the dog in until she's close enough to grab.
Step 15: Finish spraying dog. Avoid spray eating if at all possible.
Step 16: Grab shampoo. Accidentally let go of sopping wet dog.
Step17: Chase wet dog around the yard and onto the porch. Realize too late that back door is not fully closed.
Step 17: Frantically try to stop sopping wet dog from getting in house. Fail miserably. Arrive in house just in time to see Mace vigorously shaking herself dry all over brand new furniture.
Step 18: drag dog back outside. Make sure door is securely shut.
Repeat Steps 7-15.
Step 19: Lather up the dog. Stop dog from trying to eat flea shampoo. Try not to get it in your eyes.
Step 20: Accidentally lose grip on slippery collar. Catch dog. Repeat Step 19.
Step 21: Rinse dog. Lose your grip when she shakes water in your face. 
Step 22: Chase soapy dog around the yard before giving up and chasing her around the yard with the sprayer. Repeat this step until dog seems to be soap free.
Step 23: Contemplate what a good job you did...until Macey rolls in the dirt.


This, my friends, is how we wash a boxer. You should try it sometime. If you'd like to practice on mine, please email me, you are welcome any time. 


MandaMac




Need a few more good laughs? Try "The 90s, back when we were cheesy and depressed" on Artistically Nuts, "Fairy Murdered Over Baby Tooth/Baby Laugh Drug War" on The Modern Sophist, and "Crimson Wanderers Gathering" on Dave Ingram's Natural History Blog. Pretty funny stuff...Have a laugh and a good night!

 

1 comments:

Unknown said...

Wow. I thought washing my dogs was bad.

July 8, 2010 at 7:18 PM  

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